Good Copy / Bad Copy
A project of Muzzi Consulting.
Hello! And welcome to Good Copy / Bad Copy. This monthly newsletter is a project of Muzzi Consulting, a strategic communications and leadership firm.
I’m hoping to show up in your inbox about once a month with things that are of interest to me professionally and that I think might also be interesting to you.
Expect content focused on creative and professional writing, branding, design, leadership, mountaineering, and workplace culture. If you’d rather not receive the newsletter, you can unsubscribe at the bottom.
TWINKLE TWINKLE, MY BUDDIES
Writing is everywhere. Some of it is beautiful. A lot is boring. An unforgivable proportion doesn’t make sense. And if you love/hate it the way I do, you’re always trying to figure out the difference.
In the first installment of what I hope will be a long-running segment, we look at some tasty, wild-caught copy and discuss.
In the spirit of the holidays, this month we consider Christmas lights. Let’s see how vendors are selling merry in 2019.
This month’s GOOD COPY honoree is Crate & Barrel.
Twinkling, shrubbery, slender gold wires—take me, please, to this rarified country.
Although I wouldn't recommend writing like this to sell garden gloves or tax accounting (that’s J. Peterman territory), Christmas lights are a fanciful purchase, and the marketing should reflect that. Imagination, after all, is free.
I also love that the party continues in sentence two: when the season has passed, we dine al fresco. An aspirational lifestyle indeed.
Really, the only problem here is the double use of “glow,” which isn’t too tough of a fix. I might go with a “casual charm,” or something of the sort.
Radiance, bloom, smolder, shine: I’m a sucker for lights and all of their descriptors.
Let’s take a look at a less successful example from Wayfair.
This isn’t terrible, but it’s not great. It’s redundant, cliche, and a little too long. There’s also a typo. Try this instead:
Make your next event sparkle. Warm mini lights are an elegant fixture at summer weddings and holiday festivities, and clean white wire makes these ideal for simple centerpieces or minimalist winter decor.
My guess is that the writer above was led astray by a misunderstanding of SEO best practices. You can feel the copy straining to hit all of its anticipated search terms. Both readers and search engines are increasingly attuned to keyword stuffing, however, and using repetitive language in your main product description is an easy way to damage your credibility.
How would you revise these two? Perhaps an understated ambiance, a gentle blush? An incandescence, even? Take a long winter’s nap in a thesaurus and let me know what you discover.
QUESTIONS?
Got any grammar or writing questions? Maybe you’ve found some exemplary copy (good or bad) that you’d like to share with me? Send ‘em right along!
And if you like what you see, please share and subscribe. It’s what we do.
THIS HAS BEEN FUN
Truly a pleasure.
From Muzzi Consulting, happy holidays to you and yours.